Sitting on the Sidelines

In the effort to help my children live a "normal" childhood life, I signed Captain Obvious up to play sports. The Captain was extremely excited to play. It gives him a great sense of pride and its something that he can brag about to his friends at school. However, when we go to practices or on a game day, he seems to hate every second of it. He often is found wandering away from the group, kicking dirt around or playing with a rock he found off on the side of the field. When the coach calls him over, he walks over reluctantly, trudging the ground the whole way. He doesn't seem to focus when people are talking to him because his eyes are all over the place. He's listening though, because he often does exactly what they tell him to do. The coaches loves him for that and are really great with taking any extra effort they need to with him.

What pains me is seeing how his teammates interact with him. The Captain will walk over to the kids on the team, but will never talk to anyone directly. He just kinda hangs around and waits for someone to say something to him. They often don't because they think its odd that this kid follows them everywhere and doesn't say a word. The blessed ones who do take the effort to talk to him wind up thinking he's more strange because instead of having a normal light conversation, the Captain will start quoting an obscure Sci-fi movie that these children have probably never seen and therefore don't realize its a quote. So they smile and walk away. I try to teach the Captain about positive social interaction. What sort of things to talk about with children he is trying to get to know. I try to teach him to have self confidence and to listen and pick up on cues that kids might give him as to whether or not they are interested in what he has to say. For those parents out there of Autistic kids, you know that this is like talking to a brick wall.

I often find myself talking to kids off to the side by myself, letting them know how cool Captain Obvious really is, but that he's a bit different. It's a hard thing for me to do, because part of me does not want to interfere with his relationships. However, I often find that kids are relieved or grateful to be clued into this information. Most kids will make more of an effort with him. Some however, use it as a reason to keep him further away. I find the kids who make the effort to be tremendously beautiful souls.

It's hard to be a parent sitting on the sidelines. You know your child's potential to the fullest. You know that they can succeed. You want to shout it out to the whole world, but you can't. You have to just sit there and watch, praying every second that everyone else will see exactly what you see. It's frustrating having to watch your child unconsciously build walls hiding all the potential they have. It's heartbreaking seeing them so upset wondering why no one sees it all.

This week, I saw a few of his teammates (whom I have never spoken with) rally around the Captain after he got a small injury during the game. They sat with him, got him ice, misted him with water, and encouraged him. I saw my son, while in pain, authentically happy in the moment. I thanked God right then and there for the blessing he shown me on that day. Please God, send me more of those kind of kids.